Devotional September 8th

This morning, on the way to get my tire fixed I spent the 30 minute drive praying out loud. I was continuing my journey of asking God to truly bless those who have hurt me, and for others in my life. I was pleading with God, begging with tears in my eyes.

On my way home from getting my tire fixed and being stuck in traffic- the music was playing through random songs and the song Praying by Kesha came on. It was different this time. Before when I would listen to that song I would feel the pain of everybody that has hurt me. And when she says “𝘊𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭“ … those words 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 to just wreck my gut.

When I was listening to it this time it didn’t hurt anymore. It got to the point at the end of the song where she said “𝘐𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦.“ – and I immediately thought how sad. How sad that there are people out there who keep reliving it in their head over and over again because they don’t know how to experience true forgiveness. And in the same breath if you are going to get what you give, does that mean when you do something wrong – will that person not truly forgive you? Perspective.

It took me many many years, and for a while there I 𝘥𝘪𝘥 think there were some things that only God could forgive. But the amount of unforgiveness and pain that thought process caused in my life was quite literally heart breaking and life altering. In all actuality it was the very reason that I had wanted to commit suicide in October 2019.

Remember I shared that story with you last week, about how I was driving down the road and I asked God – I said “if you want me to be here for some reason, I need you to let me know right now”. And as I was driving by the LED sign by the church near my house, the screen changed and told me to hold on. And that sign was the one thing that kept me going for an entire year as I was trying to dig myself out of this spiral of depression that had consumed my life. I truly believe that the root of that depression was because of unforgiveness.

I can tell you that every single person who I was holding unforgiveness against does not give me that pain anymore. It is the most beautiful and freeing thing I’ve ever felt in my life and I was holding onto and harboring that against those people – and to be quite honest how dare I do that.

The Lord forgave me, and Jesus died for my sins. I equate it to a conversation with Jesus looking like this. “𝘚𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘥, 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮- 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴. 𝘚𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 – 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.“ You’re harboring onto the unforgiveness of those people while Jesus already offered them forgiveness. Do you trump King Jesus? I think not, so it’s time to re-evaluate.

So as I listened to that song play on my way home today and I had the feeling of complete peace; I felt the urge to remind you again that you truly need to forgive them. You can say you have forgiven them – trust me, but let’s just be honest, you haven’t really forgiven them. Because if you forgave them you would not have that gut wrenching pain at the thought of them anymore. You would feel peace.

Some thing I want to encourage you to do today, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸, I want you to stop what you are doing and I want you to pray out loud. I want you to say their whole name out loud. First and last name of the person that you have ill feelings for – because you already know that there was a person you were thinking about while ready this entire message.

I want you to say this prayer for them and I want you to repeat this prayer every single day. I want you to pray this prayer BEFORE you pray for yourself or your family. Do you think you can do that?

Father God I come before you and I ask for you to bless ______ _________. I pray that their life is filled with blessings, and over abundance. I pray that they feel joy every day. I ask you to give them discernment Father God, give them peace in their hearts Father God. I ask you in the name of King Jesus to truly bless their lives. I ask you to fill their hearts with the warmth and love of King Jesus, and I ask that the Holy Spirit fills their soul. I ask that you show up in their lives in a big way Lord. That they know you are watching over them, and that new opportunities line up in their life. Father please cover them in protection and bless them with good health. I ask this in the name of mighty King Jesus, Amen.

I want you to pray that every day. Then I want you to send me a message in a week. Pray for them, before you pray for yourself. That’s where we’re going to start. Because I feel like the world is filled with a whole lot of unforgiveness and at the root of that unforgiveness, at the root of you harboring all of those horrible feelings for the person that did you wrong, it’s wreaking havoc on your body. It’s allowing you to inhabit evil spirits with open doors. Like the spirit of depression, like the spirit of anxiety and those are now wreaking havoc in other areas of your life. So we’re going to do this together. Because I want you to be able to feel peace and know that God is not the only one that can forgive. I want you to know and FEEL the importance of actually forgiving.

,

Steph